One dumb move one long week

I know it has been awhile. Things have been CRAZY here with Kali and I are lives have taken some pretty unexpected turns. Before we knew it we had drifted far apart. I completely closed up and walled myself off from the whole world. We are starting to get back on track again. I made a DUMB move and that has lead to five long days of discipline.I know your wondering "what did you do to deserve that?!" Well I have to admit I did earn every last bit of it. Consider this my worst mistake EVER. I wasn't just being a brat... I wasn't just disobeying. I down right put my life in serious danger... So because this is such a big part of my life I'm going to be completely honest in this blog about the things from my past and things I struggle with. Any and All judgmental comments will be ignored! Now with that said I am a cutter. For those of you who do not know what self harm is here is a good website that can help you understand. It becomes an addiction and one I still struggle with. Kali went on a little trip. The night that she left I went to the store and saw some blades. I felt a comfort from them and decided to buy them with Kali's money. I didn't buy them to use them I bought them for the comfort no matter how fake of a comfort it may be. Long story short I did end up using the blades to self harm. A relapse that I will regret for the rest of my life. I'm not in trouble for the relapse. I am in trouble for buying the blades to start with. My self harm is pretty dangerous. I don't go for little scratches or small cuts. The goal is deep wide gashes.

Kali had originally set 7 days but because I have proved myself and how much I have already learned from this whole mess I got it knocked down to 4 days. Then I ended up acting out and I was spanked for it. She told me then that it was starting so all together 5 days. Today was the first day for the blades. Now I am going to be getting 3 spankings a day. 3 LONG and HARD spankings for four long never ending days One day will be 4 spankings because tonight Kali had an unexpected emergency and wasn't able to give me the nightly spanking. I will try to blog daily about the spankings I receive but I can't promise that. I can promise that you will get updates as much as I can.

Now onto today's spankings. They SUCKED but that was the point. This week isn't just for my little stunt with the blades. It is also to help Kali and I to reconnect, to open me up to her and her leadership. It has been a hard day and it will only get harder as the week goes on. I have already made progress. The first spanking wasn't too bad. It hurt she got a couple tears out of me. She then took me to my room and tried to put me to bed. Sleep has not been my friend recently and sleep is rare for me. When I only got about 15-30 minutes of sleep I gave up. The second spanking was a lot harder to take then the first. I was now more emotionally open and struggle with the fact. But as soon as the spanking was over I never felt more comfort before in my life. At this point there is nothing better then being in Kali's arms with our CD (soon to be added to the blog) playing in the background. There was nothing better in the world then knowing that Kali and I are getting back on track. I am happy to restart this journey with her and allow her to lead me.

I'm going to post about the discipline I receive for this I can't say you will get a day by day account of the spankings lines essays or corner time that I'm sure to receive. So I will admit this is one of the dumbest moves I've ever made. Defiantly one of the dumbest moves that I've made since I've been in this relationship with Kali...